Hi, my name is Carolanne and i’m a needy girl!
I’ve came to terms with the fact that I have seperation issues and need to be with my boyfriend whenever possible but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get frustrating at times and gets me down that I depend on someone else to make me happy.
Now, I know this may sound pathetic or weird like ‘oh she sounds like a psycho’, dude, I think that too sometimes, but it’s something that stems from past issues which I won’t get into.
Anyway, this isn’t a woe is me post it’s just something i’m hoping at least one other person can relate too and understand where i’m coming from.
Being needy, clingy or however you wanna put it isn’t just that need for a little attention, I mean, don’t get me wrong I love me some attention but it’s more than that.
Mine and my boyfriends current situation is that we live together but he works away Mon-Fri and is home on the weekends, so of course when he’s home I want to spend as much time as possible with him until he has to leave again … that’s only normal. However, where my neediness gets in the way is that when he’s home, the thought of him doing something without me or me going somewhere without him literally sends me into a whole spiral of anxiety! I hate the thought of him being home and me not being with him, even if it’s for a few hours, this is the whole seperation issues part of the problem. I get bored if he’s off doing his own thing and I have nothing planned
(I don’t tend to plan things with anyone over the weekend to make sure I have time with Martin). Again, I can see how this looks psycho to some people, well probably most of you but I swear, I don’t like it either! I would love nothing more than to be like ‘oh hey, i’m just going to meet …. for an hour or so’ or for him to be like ‘i’m just popping out for an hour’ and my first thought not be ‘well, what am I going to do?’
The fact that my brain thinks like this really gets me down sometimes, I am a grown ass woman who is capable of being on her own, I did it for two years between relationships and honestly I cherish that time so much! There is something about having a significant other that turns my head into shit and i’ve been to therapy about this in the past and know exactly where it comes from but dealing with that and trying to not be that needy person is so much harder than you would think. I also don’t want to have a negative impact on Martin and for him to feel as though he can’t have his own space when he’s home because I appreciate that he’s the type of person who is comfortable doing his own thing … i’m super jealous of that. I think the fact we live separately during the week doesn’t help my situation, like I said when he’s home I focus all my time on him whereas maybe it wouldn’t be as intense if we didn’t have that distance, I dunno. For a while now on Sunday night’s and Monday mornings when Martin has to leave again my sleep is interrupted by waves of anxiety about him leaving and I even get teary and emotional, I wish I could just turn it off or knock some sense into myself but it is what it is I guess.
Anyway, I don’t really know what I wanted to achieve with this post, I guess I was just wanting to jot some feelings down and hope that someone else out there gets where i’m coming from, or even if you’re someone whose partner has these same issues and you can give me your side of things?
Thank you guys for reading 🙂